Feeling Scattered:

From time to time I find myself caught up in gathering tasks and activities that have a common thread running through them: how to be better and do better.

It seems to me we live in a culture of constant striving. More of everything: more health; more wealth; more exercise; more organization; more kindness; more balance; more mindfulness; more tech savvy; more vegetables.  The list goes on.

This constant quest for “more” leaves me scattered, unable to fit in all the “ought’s” and “should’s” into a coherent day. Across platforms and media channels we are being bombarded by imperatives, each one whispering that we are not yet enough.

And when things aren’t better or efficient, my mind doubles down: I complain, I resist, and in doing so I reinforce the very belief that “better” and “efficient” is what matters. It’s a closed loop of thought that is hard to escape.

Just yesterday I found myself caught in battle with an online visa booking system. Pages crashed, links didn’t load, functionality was counter-intuitive. “Why can it not be improved?” I grumbled in frustration. Eventually, I abandoned the screen and stepped out into nature in the late afternoon.

On the mountain, after the winter rains, everything was green and lush. The promise of spring beckoned. Some fynbos shrubs stood scraggily and unkempt, but in their wildness was a natural form that was real: some old grisly bracts still present from last season’s flowers, but in their crumbling and fragile beauty they displayed un-abashedly who they really were, there I could appreciate and feel settled that all was as it should be.

I breathed a bit more freely and gave myself permission to eat only the vegetables I enjoy. Forget the kale and rather tune into my inner knowing of what my needs are. Now I’m able to recalibrate my own cadence and focus on what matters. 

If you are feeling scattered and overwhelmed by mental demands, reach out.  Perhaps together we can create a space for you to come home to yourself.